'The Aussie Institution'

We have a bloke who is from Iran working with us. He speaks exceptional English, but he tends to struggle a bit with the Aussie language. Numerous paraphrases and Aussie-isms get thrown around every day, and the poor bloke must honestly wonder what country he came to, because we sure as hell don't speak English here. At least, not in the way it is supposed to be used.

Not to mention, the amount of quotes repeated in our everyday worklives must honestly be baffling as well.

So, I wondered, to catch these skilled migrants up to speed with Australia, what would I get them to watch/listen to/read/attend to give them a broad overview of Australia and its culture?

Added as an afterthought, these are in no particular order. Some of these things were triggered by an occurance and others were what I have thought of since.

1. The Castle.
One of the blokes quoted this today and it went straight over our migrant engineer's head. So we were like, just add it to the stuff we'll have to introduce him to.

This film is 16 years old (!!! - I know, I find it hard to believe too) but it is as relevant today as the day it was released. How many times have you heard someone quote, 'tell him he's dreaming', 'you're an ideas man (insert name here)', 'jousting sticks?', 'Dad, I dug a hole', and one I tend to use a bit, 'it's karma, it's the vibe, it's marbo'.

The little comedy with a big Aussie heart (probably a pretty cliche statement but so, so true) that has now fortold many Aussie families' battles with big companies. For one, my Nan and Pa, with the Bendigo airport wanting to extend their venue into their kitchen. Not something you want to be dining next to of a morning.

How much does that movie just emulate the way that Aussies behave in and around the country? I have heard criticisms about the fact that they are are bit of a boganish family, but being realistic, how many families can relate to the Kerrigans? Heaps.

One of the managers I used to work with was probably the best impersonation of Darryl Kerrigan that lived. Not to mention he has an incredibly dry sense of humour anyway so that it always made working on the most sh*t boring task bearable.

I forgot the most used quote of all! So I will give it the credit it is due and put it out on its own. And in awesome finality, The Castle could be credited as:

'This is going straight to the pool room!'

Better move on anyway.


2. The 12th Man.
Again, the reason why this was brought up was because yesterday, there were four of us deciding what colour a particular off-colour tile was going to be called. I said, cream. Then I proceded to go, 'Cream, bone, off-white, white, ivory' and by the time I got to 'ivory' our supervisor said quite finally, 'beige'. We had a thoroughly good laugh about that and had to then go about trying to explain it to the other engineer.

Anyway, go anywhere in this country and you don't even need to enjoy cricket to know who Billy Birmingham is. Put it this way; I reckon cricket is one of those absolutely cr*p games of sport that was ever invented. However, had it not been for test cricket, Twenty20 would not exist today. Nor would the numerous other offshoots of cricket such as beach and the most favourite and best form of the game, backyard cricket.

The 12th Man has probably done to cricket what Tiger Woods did to golf, until his penchant for prostitutes and 'other women' came about anyway. It made a relatively sh*t game to watch unless you were a diehard something to look forward to. Hearing Richie as through the mouth of Billy Birmingham getting up to start his day as if he were in the commentary box was brilliant.

I was introduced to The 12th Man via my brother's recorded tapes (yes, before CD's were invented, CD's you say? Yes, an old-school DVD is the best description for it, and tapes have been around for donkey's years) of tapes of tapes and whatever else. The 12th Man was one artist who it didn't matter what version you had of his recordings, so long as you had a copy. I was 10 when I first started listening to it. It was pretty popular with us kids for the amount of swearing that was in it. Not to mention it was pretty awesome some of the stuff he'd rattle off. As I got older, the more I appreciated the cleverness of the names (who knew that there were actually cricket players with as hard names to pronounce as the Pakistanis on the 12th Man?!) and the storylines that Billy Birmingham came up with.

His 'Boned' effort wasn't fantastic, but at the same time he'd also been around for about 20 years by this stage and storylines were thin on the ground.

His best efforts were probably Still The 12th Man! just because it was a day in the life of Ritchie Benaud.

A massive part of the Aussie culture right here.


3. Melbourne Cup
'The race that stops a nation' is the biggest nationwide sporting event I would say. Anyone who is anyone and who isn't even has some form of interest in the cup, even if it isn't always a day off.

For three and a half minutes it's the most important thing happening at 3pm (or is it 3:10pm? Dunno) in the country. Everyone stops work to listen or watch the race after having usually put a bet on during the day or the week leading up to it. Sweeps are held everywhere and so even if your horse comes dead last you will at least get your money back. But if your horse comes 4th to second last, you forfeit whatever you paid in the sweep.

In relation to this, read up history on who Phar Lap was. He was the most famous race horse in Australia's history, although Makybe Diva probably comes a close second to Phar Lap now. Phar Lap only won the Cup once, but probably could have won it a second time had he still been alive when it came around again. Makybe Diva, having won it a record 3 times, will have her name known for years to come.


4. ANZAC Day.
The one day of the year where it is more Aussie than our national day. I was so touched by our little service up the top of Aircraft Hill out here in Wadeye that now I look back on it, I am glad it happened. I thoroughly missed Dale that day, but I was so glad to have made A service, and the service we had was incredibly touching. All the boys who work on our job attended, even though it was their day off. Then the stories come out as to why it means so much to everyone, and it was just a thoroughly awesome occasion.

I had to work that day, and I was so tired for the rest of the day, but still, the occasion was great. I just made sure I watched the numerous services throughout the day in my breaks.

ANZAC Day means more to me than Australia Day does. It is a day of commemoration of all the hundreds and thousands of men and women who have served the nation in battle, and who continue to serve today.

I can listen to the Last Post numerous times that day and it gets me every time. I usually blubber the whole way through it, I don't know why it gets me so but it does.

I have been lucky enough to go to the ANZAC Day footy match between Collingwood and Essendon twice. I can't stand either side but the opening sequence of events is truly captivating. This was before they had to cut short the minute's silence due to drunken d*ckheads ruining it and showing no respect whatsoever. But there is nothing more moving than being in a stadium of 90,000+ spectators who are completely silent.


5. Waltzing Matilda.
For that matter, Banjo Patterson. But Watzing Matilda was his most famous work. Not everyone knows the words to our official national anthem but they sure as hell know the words to Waltzing Matilda.

Learn it, sing it and speak to anyone about it. Our unofficial national anthem that gets taught to all of us from the time we start school.

And it's based on a true story I might add! But this poem is a bit of a harp back to our settler days, when wanderers commonly roamed from place to place looking for work. When work wasn't available, they would simply steal whatever they could from the squatters (settlers) to live. Our European history is all about hardships, sacrifices and tough times, which is why Australians are such tough, nuggetty people who can outlast our opposition in so many areas.


6. Learn (but don't say, cos it sounds ridiculous listening to foreigners trying to speak Aussie slang) the meaning behind the following phrases:
'No worries'
'All over it like...'
'Do away with...'
'Piff... at...' (Okay, that's me being a Victorian and not believing that not everyone who was even born here knows what this means)
'Mate, can you give us a hand with...'
'I broke the seal...'
'Sloshed, plastered, ratsh*t, maggoted, f***ed (although this can have several meanings so it's a context thing), there are numerous others but I cannot think right now'
'He/She came down with...'
Some other phrases that are the 'like' phrases that need to be known and understood:
'CD skips like a 12 year old girl'
'... Charge through the roof'
'... Charge like a wounded bull'
'... Sticks out like dog's balls'
And others such as:
'I was pineappled with the pointy bit first to do...' (Although this is more military slang, it does get used in construction A LOT, probably because we all get pineappled at some point or other to do some really cr*p job)
'CBF'ed'
'POQ'
'2:30itis'
And general slang for different things, women, men, friends, animals, places, other people etc.


There will be other's I'm sure, but it is past my bed time and I need to rest. Big day tomorrow!